This post is comprised of thoughts I’ve had regarding trust over the past several months (sort of like a journal solely on this subject). If I was able, I would share the situations behind each of these thoughts to help you understand the inspiration of the thought, but because the events were shared with me in confidence, I cannot — so there! So, you just get to hear my after-thoughts on trust — please try to apply them to your own life’s relationships and I believe they will help you in your relationships. There are many aspects of trust. I’m writing these off of some notes, but as I detail these paragraphs I’m nearly in awe at how much trust is at the core of humans. Or maybe its just me — maybe trust is at my core. But I think its everyone — I think trust might be the backbone of all relationships.
Earned Trust
Trust is earned. We all know that — but I think its easily forgotten. When kids critically say, “My parents don’t trust me” I want to smack them — because when I ask the follow up question, “Should your parents trust you?” or “If you were your parents, would you trust yourself?” the answer is always, “No.” This isn’t just a parent-child thing — this works in any relationship. If someone doesn’t trust you, there is probably a reason! In my example, the child needs to give the parents reasons to trust him.
Free Trust
I think we all have an element of “free trust.” I think I made this word up, so let me define it myself: Free trust is the trust that is given without any prior experience. It’s free, not earned. If I buy a stick of gum with a $10 bill, I trust that the candy vendor will give me my change so I hand him my $10 without reservation. That’s free trust. I think free trust is based on your position. I will give you free trust because of your position (i.e. shop clerk or friend, parent or child, pastor or counselor, mentor or protoge’, boss or employee).
Lost Trust
One crazy thing about trust is that it only takes a single action to wipe away all trust. That really baffles me, honestly. Trust is so valuable and integrated into every interpersonal relationship — and one silly decision can wreck a life’s relationships because trust is lost.
Stupid Trusters
There is an appropriate blend of “earned” and “free” trust. You earn my trust because of past experiences. I give you free trust because of your position. These things occur simultaneously — and there must be a blend. Dysfunctional relationships will begin when there is an imbalance between these two trusts. For example, imagine an underage child who repeatedly attempts suicide and gets caught with cigs, beer, and marijuana on multiple occasions. After each incident the parents decide that since the son said, “I’ll change” they should simply give him the free trust and move on, after all – he does hold the position of “son.” That’s stupid. Those parents need to start using some more earned trust and kick the child’s butt. He needs sent to a boarding school or something before he actually succeeds in killing himself. Those parents need to not trust their son because they love him. But evidently they’re stupid, so they trust unconditionally.
Trust Is Awesome
When you’re able to trust other people it just rocks. I’ll never forget my high school band director Terry Fisher. He had this incredible ability to just trust people at the very first moment he met them. He would then continue to trust and respect you until you gave him a reason to not be trusted. But until you gave him a reason to not trust you, he would bend over backwards to help you succeed. I have never had a teacher who cared about me more than Mr. Fisher. I made the comment to him once, “Mr. Fisher, you actually trust people.” He responded, “I have to. I can’t get anything done if I don’t trust other people. Besides – that’s no way to live. You’ve gotta trust people.”
I don’t think Mr. Fisher ever knew how much he taught me that day. It revolutionized the way I looked at relationships. When I actually trusted people, the world started ticking better. Trust is relying on the humanity of another individual. Today I have several people that I whole-heartedly trust with different positions — protoge’s, friends, family, pastors, etc.
The more I trust these people, the more they trust me. And that is a beautiful thing. That’s the backbone of relationships.
I like it. 🙂 That’s all I have to say.
Right on right on right on.
You are amazing! You are always excited about life and what you do and the people you see. I truly love the way you care about everyone…just like people are supposed to. Thanks for being YOU!
You are absolutely correct that just one incident can destroy trust and relationships.
All production requires large amounts of trust. If I thought about it I wouldn’t trust that it would all get done so I just trust and don’t think about it. It’s very cool how it all works. Thanks for the reminder 🙂
My wife and i were very peaceful when Michael managed to finish up his studies via the precious recommendations he obtained using your web site. It is now and again perplexing to simply happen to be making a gift of techniques which often some others might have been trying to sell. We recognize we need you to thank for this. The type of illustrations you made, the straightforward website navigation, the relationships your site make it easier to instill – it is most spectacular, and it is letting our son in addition to us reckon that this subject matter is pleasurable, which is certainly tremendously serious. Thanks for the whole lot!
Thankfulness to my father who shared with me regarding this web
site, this website is truly amazing.
Hey! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone!
Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look
forward to all your posts! Keep up the excellent work!
I enjoy reading an article that will make men and women think.
Also, thank you for allowing me to comment!
If you desire to improve your knowledge simply keep visiting this web page and be updated with the hottest gossip
posted here.
Hey excellent website! Does running a blog
like this require a large amount of work? I’ve virtually no understanding of coding
but I had been hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyhow, should you have any recommendations or
techniques for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic nevertheless I simply had to ask.
Kudos!
Greetings! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to
give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy
reading through your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that deal with the same topics?
Many thanks!
It’s in fact very difficult in this full
of activity life to listen news on Television, thus I simply use
web for that reason, and obtain the hottest information.
Actually when someone doesn’t understand then its up to other people that they will assist, so here it
happens.
You can obtain from 40 filehosts with only one account.
Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment
but after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again.
Anyhow, just wanted to say great blog!
This is my first time pay a visit at here and i am genuinely pleassant
to read all at alone place.
This is a topic that’s close to my heart…
Cheers! Exactly where are your contact details though?
Just want to say your article is as surprising. The clarity
in your post is just cool and i can assume you’re an expert on this subject.
Well with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post.
Thanks a million and please keep up the gratifying work.
We stumbled over here from a different website and thought I should check things out.
I like what I see so i am just following you. Look forward to
checking out your web page yet again.
It’s going to be finish of mine day, except before end I am reading this wonderful article to increase my know-how.
Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring on other websites?
I have a blog based upon on the same information you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know
my visitors would enjoy your work. If you’re
even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.
Helpful information. Fortunate me I found your web site
unintentionally, and I am surprised why this twist of fate didn’t happened earlier!
I bookmarked it.
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading?
I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end
or if it’s the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
Link exchange is nothing else but it is only placing
the other person’s weblog link on your page at suitable place and other person will also do same for you.
Wow, this paragraph is pleasant, my sister is analyzing
these things, therefore I am going to let know
her.
Good replies in return of this issue with genuine
arguments and describing all on the topic of that.
all the time i used to read smaller articles which
as well clear their motive, and that is also happening with this piece of writing which I am
reading now.
Heya i am for the primary time here. I found this board and I find It truly useful & it helped me out a lot.
I am hoping to offer something again and aid others such as you
aided me.
Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Reading
this post reminds me of my previous room mate!
He always kept talking about this. I will
forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read.
Many thanks for sharing!
You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but
I find this matter to be really something that I think I would
never understand. It seems too complex and very broad for me.
I’m looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the
hang of it!
Greetings! Very useful advice within this post!
It’s the little changes that make the most significant changes.
Thanks a lot for sharing!
Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
The text in your article seem to be running off the screen in Ie.
I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with web
browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
The style and design look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Thanks
Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard
against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any suggestions?
Wow, fantastic blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your site is excellent, let
alone the content!
I could not refrain from commenting. Very well written!
I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter
a blog that’s equally educative and interesting, and let me tell you, you’ve
hit the nail on the head. The problem is something which too few
folks are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy I found
this in my search for something regarding this.
I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog that’s both educative and
engaging, and without a doubt, you have hit the nail on the head.
The problem is something that not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about.
I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my hunt
for something concerning this.
Hi i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anywhere,
when i read this post i thought i could also create comment due to this sensible post.
I’m not sure where you are getting your info, but good topic.
I needs to spend some time learning more or understanding more.
Thanks for great info I was looking for this information for my mission.
I have been browsing online more than 3 hours as of
late, but I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours.
It’s beautiful worth enough for me. Personally, if all web owners and bloggers
made good content material as you did, the web might be much
more useful than ever before.
This is my first time pay a quick visit at here and i am genuinely
happy to read everthing at single place.
It’s difficult to find knowledgeable people in this
particular subject, but you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
Thanks
Amazing! Its in fact awesome post, I have got much clear idea about from this piece of writing.
Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!
Extremely helpful info specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much.
I was looking for this certain information for a very long time.
Thank you and best of luck.
Wow, this piece of writing is fastidious, my sister is analyzing these
kinds of things, therefore I am going to inform her.
WOW just what I was looking for. Came here by searching for with
Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog.
Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m
not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick.
I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start.
Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you
Post writing is also a excitement, if you
be familiar with after that you can write otherwise it is complex to write.
fantastic issues altogether, you simply won a new reader.
What could you recommend in regards to your post that you made some
days ago? Any certain?