Author: Adam

I feel old. I saw American Gladiators on ESPN Classic. ESPN CLASSIC! ESPN Classic is for old sports shows, like Superbowl I or a basketball game in 1968. ESPN Classic isn’t supposed to show sports shows that I can actually remember. Oh well, this was bound to happen sooner or later.

I used to watch American Gladiators all the time when I was little. Nitro was my favorite. There was also Gemini, Storm, Ice, Lace, Turbo, and Viper. In the show, these American Gladiators dressed in spandex and competed against challengers in different events.

On the show, my favorite event was “The Assault.” In this event, the Gladiator was positioned high up on the end of a playing field with a tennis ball canon. The challenger had stations, the first was far away from the Gladiator, and the following stations were positioned closer and closer to the front where the Gladiator was shooting at them with the canon. At each station, the challenger had one opportunity to shoot a target near the Gladiator. If the Gladiator shot the challenger with a tennis ball — he won. If the challenger shot the Gladiator’s “target,” then the challenger won. It was a great event of strategy and suspense.

I’ll never forget this time my parents were in a meeting at our old church building. I was probably 8 years old. My brother would have been about 14 or 15. Our parents were in a meeting, so we set up an “assault court” in one of the classrooms. On one end of the room Nathan climbed on top of a high stack of chairs with a Nerf gun. We set up “stations” of chairs around the room. I started on the opposite side of the room and ran from station to station of chairs while my brother tried to shoot me with the Nerf gun. I remember diving, rolling, and sliding behind chairs. That was so exciting.

We got in trouble — but it was totally worth it.

A few months ago my mom brought home two cats from the animal shelter. The first cat was grey, and my mom named that cat “Ashley,” although my Dad and I still call the cat “Grey.” The other cat was up to me to name.

The first day we had the cats I picked up the second cat (not Grey) to put it in a cat carrier so it could go to the vet for its immunizations. When I tried to put the newly arrived and not-yet-trusting cat into the carrier it decided to jump out of my arms – but not until it climbed over my face with its claws. One of the claws dug into my ear. The claw sorta sliced a small piece of my ear off. It hurt really bad and so I put my hand up to my ear to comfort myself and immediately felt a lot of blood all over the side of my face. All because that stupid cat “bit” my ear. (It actually clawed my ear – but I’ve always said it “bit” it).

I immediately gave the cat its new name. I yelled directly to the cat, “You bit my ear off – and I will never forget it you stupid cat! From this day forward your name will be Mike Tyson! End of story.” I didn’t really care that it was a female cat. I gave it a name to represent the cat’s first impression on me.
To this day the cat is registered at the Vet’s office as “Mike Tyson Diehl.”

But you know, I love that cat now. I just took my dog for a walk down the country road I live on, and the cat followed along. Every time I park in the driveway, that cat comes out to greet me at my car door. It is now the most loving cat I’ve ever seen. At the time of my pain, I wanted to give the cat a name that would never allow anyone to forget what it had done. But now the cat is loving and enjoys being held. I feel sorta guilty calling it Mike Tyson still.

A Double Whammy:
1) There’s never a second chance to make a first impression.
2) That cat’s reputation is ruined because of the label I put on it. I’ll let you do the “math” on that one.

I like string cheese as a snack. It’s the best, man. Not only does it taste good, but when you eat it you have an excuse to play with your food — pulling each string off. They’re just awesome.

I had eaten string cheese made by the Kraft company — a name brand. Over a few weeks, I had gone through a few packs of the Kraft string cheese.

Tonight I went to grab some string cheese out of the fridge and I realized that it wasn’t the name brand Kraft string cheese — it was some cheap imitation string cheese. But I figured it’d still be good, right?

It tasted disgusting. It was nothing like I was used to from the name brand string cheese — it didn’t even pull apart properly. So frustrating. I don’t think its that the cheap stuff was bad — but the name brand was tons better.

This naturally led me to two profound thoughts:

1) The Real Thing is always better. Never go for a cheap imitation.
2) It took a cheap imitation before I realized what I really had.