Some Thoughts on “No.”

No. It’s a complete sentence. No can be hard to hear and hard to say.

On Hearing “No”
When we invite or ask someone something and hear a “no” in response – it bothers some of us. It’s unhealthy when it bothers us because we started judging. We shouldn’t judge when people give what seems like ridiculous reasons for not being able to be involved in “whatever.” Yeah, some people are lazy. Yeah, in the right relationship, some people need challenged to put on big boy pants. But we all recharge and get drained differently, and we all have our own limits. So give mercy because you’ll need it soon enough. When we hear “no” – we should never assume we understand the other person’s situation.

On Saying “No”
When we are saying “no” to someone, we must avoid the temptation to place our hearer in the position of our judge. I think we do this a lot – let me explain.

For example, when I say to you, “I can’t be involved in your Save The Whales campaign because I have to go grocery shopping.” This solution makes you think I’m a jerk because I don’t care about the thing you care about. When I start to defend myself it kinda pushes you to make a judgement call about whether or not my commitment is unreasonable according to YOUR priorities. But you’re not the one saying yes or no. It’s me. And you have no idea how stressed its been in my house the past week and how much money we’ve been wasting by eating out for the past four days (and can’t afford it) and how much additional stress it will put on me to get home late tonight for the 27th day in a row – you’re just not in the seat to determine how I play out my priorities. So a “No, I can’t, I have other plans. Sorry” would be sufficient. We shouldn’t put ourselves on a judgement seat.

But we shouldn’t be silent either. That just communicates rudeness. We sometimes choose silence when we are asked to do something because we don’t want to deal with explaining ourselves, being judged, or possible confrontation that follows.… But we are usually only put in that place of judgment when we say “No, because…” And place ourselves in the judgment seat. If you are remaining silent to a request of your time, talent, or treasure because you want to avoid a problem or confrontation, chances are you are probably creating conflict. For example, some people ignore RSVPs with the motivation to avoid saying no, but that often just leads to the host having to follow through and contact them directly to confirm!

Just say no – it is a complete sentence.

(I make some huge generalizations here – and there are a million situations where “No” is absolutely not sufficient. (If your boss asks you to work on something, simply a “No” is definitely not recommended!). I imagine these thoughts are appropriate for most social situations, though. These comments are meant to be encouragement to those feeling rejected by “No’s,” and tips that I’ve learned for those who fret over saying it. If you never feel like you’re in one of those positions, this post probably doesn’t apply to your personality – but thanks for reading!).

177 Replies to “Some Thoughts on “No.””

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  5. Hola Chris, gracias por una revisión tan completa de Wealthy Affiliate. He sido miembro durante unos meses y, leyendo esto, hay algún módulo que todavía no he usado… como su herramienta de palabras clave. Así que como dices, hay mucha información allí. Es bueno saber que puede haber una sobrecarga de información cuando te unes por primera vez. Afortunadamente cuando me uní, un par de miembros expertos me advirtieron de esto y me dijeron que “disminuyera la velocidad” tal y como recomienda aquí. Y creo que me las arreglé para pasar la primera semana. También creo que obtendrás las clases de marketing en Internet más efectivas en Wealthy Affiliate. Gracias! Ray

  6. Muchas gracias Chris por esta reseña, personalmente a menudo no me gustan los negocios de MLM por su forma de dirigir sus empresas. Una de las peores cosas que no me gustan de ellos es su plan de compensación, que requiere que reclutes a otros miembros en el programa antes de que puedas ser compensado. Además, parece que se ha convertido en parte de su tradición. Todos los productos MLM son demasiado caros para comprarlos. Me pregunto cómo sus asociados son capaces de ir a vender todos estos productos caros a sus clientes. A menudo afirman que sus productos pueden curar todo tipo de enfermedades, especialmente las de la industria del bienestar y la salud. En cuanto a si eso es cierto o no, ellos son los únicos que lo saben. Sé que esta puede no ser una compañía de estafa, especialmente porque han estado en el negocio desde los años 70. Pero personalmente no se lo recomendaré a nadie tampoco. Prefiero recomendar el marketing de afiliados que cualquier negocio de MLM. Gracias por esta crítica. Stephen.

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  11. Thanks a lot Chris for this review,I personally often don’t like MLM business because of their way of running their businesses. One of the worse things I don’t like about them is their compensation plan, that requires that you recruit other members into the program before you can be compensated.Also, it looks like it has become part of their tradition. All MLM products are too expensive to buy. I just wonder how their associates are able to go about selling all these expensive products to their customers. They often claim that their products can cure all sort of diseases especially those in the Wellness and health industry. As to whether that is true or not, they are the ONLY ones who know. I know this may not be a scam company, especially since they have been in business from the 1970’s. But I personally will not recommend it to anyone either. I will rather recommend affiliate marketing than any MLM business.Thanks for this review.Stephen.

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